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Articles on Social Matters:

Dining Do's and Don'ts

Mum was right when she scolded you for talking with your mouth full. Now there are trickier things to navigate.

Finger food versus cutlery
Not sure when to eat with your hands? Then err on the side of caution and pick up a utensil. Most posh places will lay out the right cutlery to accompany the meal at each point, and good servers know when to step in to point you in the right direction.

But generally, it's okay to get your fingers into tapas, canapas, small berries and fruits with stems attached.

Left or Right wing?
The general rule is that knives and spoons go on the right, napkins and forks on the left. Glasses are always placed on your right and the bread plate on your left. On eclever tip - just remember that the first two letters of the word 'drink' stand for 'drink right'.

Stick to your reservation
If you're going to be late, call ahead to let the restaurant staff know. Don't expect the restaurant the restaurant to hold reservation forever. This is one common faux pas that Singaporeans make. Most places will hold your booking for half an hour at the most.

Breaking bread
Always scoop a pat of butter from the common dish, place it on your side plate and take it from there. You shouldn't be dipping into the butter tray. Whether it is a soft or hard roll, break it into bite-sized pieces on your side plate, butter them and pop into your mouth discreetly.

Silence is golden
When it comes to mobile phones, most dining outlets are tolerant of the occasional call at lunchtime. But when it comes todinnertime, it's a frowned upon to let your Ah Beng techno ring tones mar the epicurean experience. So switch off your phone or put it on silent mode. If it does give you a friendly jolt, either reject the call or excuse yourself from the table and go outside to answer it.

The same goes for text messages. It's poor manners to have your eyes and fingers glued constantly to the number pad as it shows disrespect tp your dining companions. So chill and enjoy real conversation.

Sharing of food
It all depends on your relationship with the person you are dining with. Even then, you should never eat off someone else's plate unless you've been invited to.

Ladies first
A gentleman always pays attention to the women at the table, even if he's not playing host. Be mindful when a woman leaves the table. Stand when she gets up, ditto when she gets back. And never start eating until she sits down again at the table.

You should also start eating only when your host does so and after everyone has been served. Even when your host tells you to go ahead, you should judt nod your head in agreement and wait. It is just basic courtesy.

Singing praises
Had a great meal and want to let the cook know you're a happy camper? Tell your server or maitre d' you'd like to see the chef to compliment him. Don't just say you want to see the chef as it puts people on the defensive. Usually the chef has time to pop by tables to say hello after dinner service. But if he doesn't just send your compliments through the captain.

Napkins: Wipe or Dab?
Ladies dab, men wipe. Either way, napkins are meant to be dirtied, so feel free to use them to wipe your mouth or hands, but not your neck or entire face.

Don't feel bad about leaving your lipstick mark on the fabric because it will be washed. And napkins should stay on your lap at all times, right through dessert. Don't put them on the table as dessert doilies.

Fold your napkin and put it on the table at the side if you are going to the restroom. Never hang it on the back of your chair - it looks unsightly and could drop on the floor.

Complain king
There is a right protocol to make your ire known, and it is not by kicking up a big fuss. If the food has not been up to par, bring it up with the maitre d' in private after the meal, and never in front of your guest.

It is right to give feedback, but the gracious way of doing it is to let the restaurant know you will pay for your meal even though you didn't enjoy it. You can also write a complaint letter or follow up with a call the next day.

Mind your body language
Don't sit, eat or leave until your host does it first (just remember who is paying first).

Never put a knife in your mouth and lick it. Also don't place a dirty fork and spoon on a clean table linen. Restaurant staff are trained to watch for visual cues. They pay attention to small things like your cutlery placement.

Putting your fork and spoon together in front of you vertically is a signal that you are done with the meal. If you are not done yet, place your fork and fnife in a criss-cross fashion on the plate.

Be mindful too of certain cultural practices. At a fine-dining Italian restaurant, a three or four course meal is common, and pasta can be served either as a main course or an appitizer. Let the captain know which you prefer in advance.

In a Japanese restaurant, place chopsticks down on the table horizontally instead of vertically, Chinese style.

Don't slouch
Maintain your poise always. Sit upright in your chair and keep your elbows off the table. Don't shove your face towards the plate. Bring the food to your mouth instead. And should you drop something, signal the waiter or waitress discreetly to replace the item. Do not pick it up and leave it on the table.

Urban
Singapore
13 May 2007