psychology_matters

Articles on Psychology Matters:

Coping with Loneliness

Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness and sadness inside of you. You may feel isolated and separated from the world. Feeling like your family doesn't understand and doesn't want anything to do with you, to finding it difficult to make any new friends, or keep in touch with older friends. There are different kinds of loneliness and different degrees of loneliness. You might experience loneliness as a vague feeling that something is not right, a kind of minor emptiness. Or you might feel loneliness as a very intense hollowness and deep pain. You may feel lonely because you are missing a specific individual who has died or moved too far away. Another type might involve feeling alone and out of contact with people because you have isolated yourself physically from them. You also might feel emotionally isolated when you are surrounded by people, but have difficulty reaching out to them.

Loneliness is different than just being alone. It needs to be emphasized here that loneliness is not the same as being alone. A person will always have time when they chose to be alone. Rather, loneliness is the feeling of being alone and feeling sad about it. And, of course, all of us feel lonely some of the time. It is only when we seem trapped in our loneliness that it becomes a real problem.

How do we contribute to our own sense of loneliness? Loneliness is a passive state. That is, it is maintained by our passively letting it continue and doing nothing to change it. We hope it will go away, eventually, while all the while we do nothing, and let it envelop us. At times we may find ourselves actually embracing loneliness and sinking down into the feelings associated with it. This is harmful to us, as it usually leads to a deeper sense of depression and helplessness.

To stop feeling lonely, we first must accept that we are feeling lonely. Sometimes admitting that to ourselves is difficult. We might find ourselves writing in a diary, writing an imaginary letter to a friend or relative, drawing or painting a picture, making up a song, or doing anything else that lets us begin to express the feelings we have inside us--including talking with other people! Expressing our feelings might lead us to discover that we feel a number of things which might be connected to our feelings of loneliness, including sadness, anger, and frustration. We might be able to begin to see where these feelings are coming from--what they are connected to in our lives. As we begin to see the connections we will be more able to begin to make changes.

Become more active.

The big change, of course, is to stop being passive and become more active. If we're missing someone, such as parents, family, or friends, we can telephone, write, e-mail or visit them. Talking to an understanding friend can often help change our moods as well. If we don't have an understanding friend, talking with a pastor, teacher or counselor might be a place to start. If we are lonely because we are missing someone who has died, being able to express our grief at their loss and beginning to remember our happier moments with them and knowing that those memories can always be with us, can move us away from the lonely feelings. This can also apply to losses of significant friendships or lovers.

Get involved in activities or clubs.

Getting involved in some sort of activity or club can accomplish several things. It can take our minds off of feeling lonely as we get involved in the enjoyable activity. It can actually change our mood directly in this way. It can give us opportunities to meet people with similar interests and practice our people-meeting skills. It can provide some structure in our lives so that we have things to look forward to. It can remind us of how good we might have felt in the past doing similar things. Sometimes these effects can come very quickly and sometimes they may come more slowly. We might really need to push ourselves to go to meetings or talk to people or attend several activities before we begin to feel comfortable with what we are doing and begin to see progress. Perhaps something to avoid is to attempt to join a club or organization or to develop a new interest just because we think it will make us a better or more interesting person. A better strategy might be to get involved in something because we know we've enjoyed it in the past or because we think it might be fun. That way we're more likely to find ourselves enjoying what we're doing and being with people who genuinely enjoy the same things. We may also find out that some people like us for the way we already are. An added bonus is that we might also begin to realize that we could choose to engage in some of those activities or interests entirely on our own without feeling lonely.

Everyone feels lonely from time to time. Using some of the suggestions above will most likely help cope better with those feelings. If you find that you are having difficulty dealing with feelings of loneliness on your own, you may want to seek out the help of a mental health professional in your community.

-References from Getting Help with Loneliness

Tracey Criswell Wilson
07 Dec 2006

Tracey Criswell Wilson is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ Many of Tracey's writings which include, non-fiction, poetry, prose and many different fiction genres, can be found on this site, which is a site for Writers.

Warning Signs of Suicide

Suicide is among the scariest words in our language; it inspires an immediate horror among the family and friends of the victim. People frequently experience a gut-wrenching dread, denial, shock, fear ... and even guilt.

It is a word so charged with universal dread, guilt and burning emotion that people will avoid talking about it almost at all costs. It has become an intractable taboo.

We must discuss it, however, because the statistics are staggering: In 2001 suicide was the 11th ranked cause of death in the United States, but shockingly, it was the third leading cause of death for 10-23 year olds.

One group in the United Kingdom which provides confidential emotional support for those suffering from a crisis estimates that more than 100,000 people attempt suicide each year there. And, of these attempts, over 6,500 will eventually succeed.

Even worse, some estimate that as many as 20% of those who suffer from bipolar disorder will succeed in killing themselves. NOTE: One out of every five!

It has also been estimated that as many as 50% of all bipolar patients may attempt suicide at least once in their lives. This appalling figure shows the urgency required to properly screen, diagnose and treat the suicide-prone patient.

Therefore, it is as clear as a flashing neon sign that suicide is not something to be cavalierly ignored; it is not going away. As socially responsible family members and friends, each of us must make a commitment to be aware of the warnings signs of suicide-prone despair.

We must do our duty by being prepared to help a friend or family member in crisis. But to do so, we must be able to identify that cry for help for what it is-desperation and not be quick to cavalierly trivialize it.

Please note the following warning signs and red flags. You may just save the life of a loved one.

Situational Red Flags

1. Victim of Sexual, Emotional or Verbal Abuse
2. Sudden or Unexpected Death of a Loved One
3. A Terminal Illness Accompanied by Drastic Deterioration in Quality of Life
4. Sudden Detrimental Change in Financial Status
5. A Condition of Chronic Debilitating Pain with No Relief in Sight
6. Talk about the Possibility of Suicide
7. Extraordinary Withdrawal or Sullen Behavior
8. Traumatic Loss or Disintegration of a Relationship

Emotional Signs

1.Depression
2.Feelings of Futility
3.Oppressive Feelings of Guilt
4.Pervasive Melancholia or Sadness
5.Feelings of Hopelessness or Helplessness
6.Overwhelming Gloom

Recovering from Depression!

Sometimes as a person begins to recover from a depressive episode the possibility of a suicide attempt may increase. This may happen because when a person finally makes up his mind to actually kill himself, he sometimes becomes oddly resigned and at peace with the situation; his mood can begin to elevate slightly.

Also, the depressive lethargy may start to lift, and where a person may not have been able to find the energy to carry out suicidal plans before, he now may have it. However, regardless of the reason, this can be a very crucial stage.

Behavioral Red Flags

1.Hoarding Prescription Drugs which Can be Lethal when taken En Masse
2.Obtaining Possession of a Weapon
3.Overt Attempts to Bring Closure to Personal or Business Issues
4.Sudden Attention to Ones Will
5.Increased Reading or Conversation about Suicide
6.Gifting Away Personal Belongings
7.Reconciling with those who are Estranged
8.Sudden Interest or Attention in Ones Insurance Policy
9.Excessive Withdrawal or Isolation from Others

Thoughts and Comments to Note

1.I wish I had never been born
2.This life is a pile of crap.
3.I wonder what the best way to kill yourself would be.
4.My kids are the only thing I live for.
5.I can not see any way to get out of this mess.
6.Nothing ever gets any better
7.Nothing is worth living for.
8.I just do not care about anything anymore.

Of course, none of these signs by themselves are absolute proof that someone you know may be considering suicide. Any of these may be present individually, and a person still may have given little or no thought to suicide.

However, if any clusters of these are present take particularly strong note.

It is also possible that a person may give little if any, warning of thoughts of impending suicide and still attempt it.

So, how can you be sure? Ask directly. Share your observations tactfully and honestly. Be open to talking about this with your loved one.

Is it awkward? It certainly can be, but even more important, it could save the life of someone you love.

About the Author:
Dr Mike Shery

Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo and Lake-in-the-Hills. He's an expert marriage counselor and psychologist. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appt or learn more about counseling at: http://www.nextdayappointment.com