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The Life Of Ong Ah Tee - A Typical Singaporeans Life

This is a typical life story of an ordinary Singaporean and it all rhymes. This contains local Singapore slang and we hope you enjoy.

I am Ong Ah Tee living in Kampong Chai Chee (a native household in Singapore that rhymes)
Life used to be simple and HAPPY
I worked hard in my STUDIES
I learned A-B-C, and everything from 1, 2, and 3.
Primary school was quite easy
I passed PSLE (a leaving examination into the next stage of schooling life)

Then I went to SECONDARY (The stage of schooling students 13 to 17 years old)
The subjects include HISTORY, GEOGRAPHY
Physics, Biology and CHEMISTRY
After O levels I went to JC (Junior College)
I was quite LUCKY

This is a small humid tropical COUNTRY
Boys turned 18 must go to ARMY for the tour of duty
After that we may continue our Studies
The girls can just sit back, relax, and watch TV
They come to this world only to "Chia Liao Bi" (referring girls to be a waste of resources)

No one lives on free meals or depends on CHARITY
I want to take up IT, but I had no money to go to University or Poly
So I went to work at FACTORY
Working hard to earn a little lousy SALARY
After CPF and INCOME TAX,
I have just enough money to buy ROTI (bread) and ride in MRT (subway train).
My bosses show me no SYMPATHY
Accusing me of always trying to get MC (Medical Certificate, Skiving, truant)
But my sickness was due to over stretch OT (OverTime work)
Going home after midnight by TAXI
And they pay me only bus fee
My collogue likes me because of my honesty and can easily bully
They said I don’t know how to carry.

I Park-Tor (dated) and became STEADY (engaged couple or confirmed couple)
Finally had to MARRY
I lost money holding Wedding Dinner PARTY
Cheeky friends donating only cheap PANTY
After marriage, nothing was EASY

In one year, I became DADDY
I can't support my family and our BABY
Being tied down for life to repay 2 rooms HDB (Housing Development Board)
and rising monthly utilities to PUB (Public Utilities Board)

My bank account has NO MONEY
POSB balance is almost EMPTY
DBS wants to charge me EXTRA FEE
Insisting that "Nothing is FREE!"
So I moonlight as KARANG GUNI (Waste collector, very popular here)

I went to seek assistance from the MP (Member of parliament)
His reply was simple and easy:
"Vote for me, vote for me, vote for me".
He never tells me any convincing Policy.
Before, my MP said “Vote for me, we give you sweeties”.
Now, they want to increase salary, because “You voted me”.
They claim they made good economy for our country.
They benchmark themselves using GDP.
They said, “To get the best man, you have to pay high fee,
otherwise, they will join MNC”.
Next will be the GST. (goods service tax)
My boss say “no” to increase in salary, it’s really make me worry.
Our Health Ministry said let GP (General Practitioners/Doctors) set their consultation fee.
If the GP charges high fee, don’t let them see.
No money, how can health?
If fall sick, can only mati (die)
In hospital, can afford “Class C”.
I don’t mind all nurses are aunty,
But only one doctor to see
No money for operation, “Tan Ci”. (Wait to die, very sad)
My dear friends, this is the life of Ong Ah Tee ? (A typical Chinese Singaporean name)

Contributed By,
Eileen Koo
17 Apr 2007
Singapore

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Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

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Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Contributed By,
Eileen Koo
23 Apr 2007
Singapore

Cumulative Little Jokes

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

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Small boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Send me a brother"
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER".

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What is the definition of Mistress?
Answer: Someone between Mister and Matress

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Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE???", Husband continued, "Without Information Fighting Everytime."
Wife replies, "No, it means, With Idiot For Ever!!!"

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Three feelings: Stress, Tension and Panic. What are their differences?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Teacher: Do you know the importance of period?
Student: Ya, once my sister said she missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.

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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S.?
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1st: How is yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Blue Eyes. What about yours?
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Sons askes the difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my sons, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

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Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother faints...

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Contributed By:
Eileen Koo
Singapore
12 May 2007