Articles on Communication Matters:

If you want me to talk to you

If you want me to talk to you, don't shout my name, over and over when I am silent.

Don't shout in frustration. I don't want to talk to people who are shouting at me.

If you want me to talk to you, don't grab my arm and shake it.

If you want me to talk to you, don't get frustrated and feel impatient.

If you want me to talk to you, don't say "Why don't you talk to me?"

If you want me to talk to you, don't say, "Say something!"

If you want me to talk to you, don't try to move my head or say "Look at me!"

If you want me to talk to you, don't say, "What's wrong with you?"

If you want me to talk to you, don't feel rejected when I am silent. Be patient.

If you want me to talk to you, reach out and put your hand on me. Show me that you are there, waiting patiently. Give me time to speak when I am ready.

If you want me to talk to you, and I am able to tell you how I feel, don't give me a lecture about how we all feel that way sometimes.

(I'm not like everyone else. I am not like anyone else. The reasons I feel the way I do are not the same reasons anyone else feels the way they do. If I tell you I feel alone and you say "We all feel alone sometimes, but ..." I may even start to hate you and never, ever want to talk to you again. Or I may walk away from you and never come back.)

If you want me to talk to you, don't ask me what I am thinking. Don't ask me what I am doing. Ask me how I am feeling.

If you want me to talk to you, don't invalidate me when I tell you how I am feeling.

If you want me to talk to you, don't act like you don't have much time to listen. Don't come into my van and leave the door partway open when you close it, as if you are ready to leave, or are afraid I will kidnap you or something or that you don't really want to be there with me. When you do this I feel untrusted. I don't want to talk to someone who doesn't trust me.

If you want me to talk to you, don't say, "I came here tonight to just listen to you and not give you advice, just like you told me, but you don't seem to want to talk." When you say this I feel blamed, disapproved of, lectured to.

If you want me to talk to you, don't tell me what I should do.

If you want me to talk to you, don't say, "Why don't you..."

If you want me to talk to you, try to figure out what I am feeling if I am unable to speak.

If you want me to talk to you, don't say "Don't do this to me."

If you want me to talk to you and I am so weak that I am down on the ground, don't stand above me and tell me to stand up.

If you want me to talk to you and I am crying, don't tell me to stop crying.

--
This was based on somethings that someone named Carol in Peru did recently, someone else named Manuel in Peru, someone named Esmeralda in Ecuador and someone named Gretchen in the United States. Interestingly, they were all raised by people who call themselves Catholics. Could it be that the Catholics are the worst listeners in the world?

Steve Hein
03 Mar 2007
www.SteveHein.com

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10 Quick Rules For Better Listening

Though most of us believe an effective communicator is someone who speak persuasively, mastering the art of listening – a skill anyone can develop but few do – is perhaps the most essential element in oral communications. Listening, by the way, is not the same as hearing. Most of us have no problem hearing. It’s listening to what we hear that we don’t always do well.

Since we learn more by listening than we do by talking, let me share with you 10 quick rules certain to make you a better – and smarter – listener?

Listening goes on in all types of environments. The most common is perhaps our daily one-on-one conversations with spouses, friends, family members and fellow workers. Those instances are followed quickly by what we hear while watching television. In truth, we hear words almost everywhere we go. Yet we don’t always listen, and seldom listen well. While the sources of the words we hear will vary, the rules for better listening remain essentially the same.

In many cases there can be barriers to good listening – distractions, if you prefer... Some are physical, such as lack of sleep or a loss of the ability to hear. Others can be environmental, including noise, temperature, uncomfortable seating, even poor acoustics in the room.

The 10 rules that follow apply regardless of such barriers. Most of them – actually eight of the 10 – apply to the process of listening. The last two apply to what goes on once the listening has taken place. Give these rules a try. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how much – and how quickly – they a can improve your listening skills.

1. When possible, take control of your listening environment.
2. Despite distractions, concentrate on what’s being said.
3. Focus early on the “central idea.”
4. Determine what that central idea mean to you.
5. Overlook any speaker eccentricities or delivery errors.
6. Listen “between the words” for attitude, tone, level of conviction.
7. Concentrate on what is being said rather than how you are tempted to respond.
8. Take careful, organized notes, even if they’re only mental notes.
9. Mentally summarize what was said, what its impact is or may become.
10. Judge the message only after you completely understand it.

The value of improving your listening skills is that you will hear what it is that’s actually being said. No, not just the words, but the meanings behind them, their implications, their intent. Once you’re able to identify the meaning, implications and the intentions of what you hear, your life at work, at home and at play will be far more rewarding. And you’ll be a much smarter, more effective total communicator.

Philip A. Grisolia
06 May 2007

© 2007 Philip A. Grisolia, CBC Phil Grisolia is an accredited Certified Business Communicator (CBC), author, business coach, and syndicated writer. To learn more about Phil and the various services he provides, visit http://PhilGrisolia.com. While there, sign up for a free subscription to his best-in-class newsletter - Making Sense of Marketing™.

7 Relationship Building Strategies For Your Business

Successful businesses don't just communicate with prospects and customers for special sales. Today, making your company indispensable is a vital key to marketing success. It's a terrific way to add value, enhance your brand and position against your competition. Here are seven relationship-building strategies that will help you transform your company into a valuable resource:

1. Communicate frequently. How often do you reach out to customers? Do the bulk of your communications focus on product offers and sales? For best results, it's important to communicate frequently and vary the types of messages you send. Instead of a constant barrage of promotions, sprinkle in helpful newsletters or softer-sell messages. The exact frequency you choose will depend on your industry and even seasonality, but for many types of businesses, it's possible to combine e-mail, direct mail, phone contact and face-to-face communication to keep prospects moving through your sales cycle without burning out on your message.

2. Offer customer rewards. Customer loyalty or reward programs work well for many types of businesses, from retail to cruise and travel. The most effective programs offer graduated rewards, so the more customers spend, the more they earn. This rewards your best, most profitable clients or customers and cuts down on low-value price switchers-customers who switch from program to program to get entry-level rewards. Whenever possible, offer in-kind rewards that remind your customers of your company and its products or services.

3. Hold special events. The company-sponsored golf outing is back. With the renewed interest in retaining and up-selling current customers, company-sponsored special events are returning to the forefront. Any event that allows you and your staff to interact with your best customers is a good bet, whether it's a springtime golf outing, a summertime pool party or an early fall barbecue. Just choose the venue most appropriate for your unique customers and business.

4. Build two-way communication. When it comes to customer relations, "listening" can be every bit as important as "telling." Use every tool and opportunity to create interaction, including asking for feedback through your Web site and e-newsletters, sending customer surveys (online or offline) and providing online message boards or blogs. Customers who know they're "heard" instantly feel a rapport and a relationship with your company.

5. Enhance your customer service. Do you have a dedicated staff or channel for resolving customer problems quickly and effectively? How about online customer assistance? One of the best ways to add value and stand out from the competition is to have superior customer service. Customers often make choices between parity products and services based on the perceived "customer experience." This is what they can expect to receive in the way of support from your company after a sale is closed. Top-flight customer service on all sales will help you build repeat business, create positive word-of-mouth and increase sales from new customers as a result.

6. Launch multicultural programs. It may be time to add a multilingual component to your marketing program. For example, you might offer a Spanish-language translation of your Web site or use ethnic print and broadcast media to reach niche markets. Ethnic audiences will appreciate marketing communications in their own languages. Bilingual customer service will also go a long way toward helping your company build relationships with minority groups.

7. Visit the trenches. For many entrepreneurs, particularly those selling products and services to other businesses, it's important to go beyond standard sales calls and off-the-shelf marketing tools in order to build relationships with top customers or clients. When was the last time you spent hours, or even a full day, with a customer-not your sales staff, but you, the head of your company? There's no better way to really understand the challenges your customers face and the ways you can help meet them than to occasionally get out in the trenches. Try it. You'll find it can be a real eye-opener and a great way to cement lasting relationships.

Kim Gordon
30 May 2007

Kim T. Gordon is an author, marketing coach and media spokesperson-and one of the country's foremost experts on entrepreneurial success. Her newest book, Bringing Home The Business, identifies the 30 "truths" that can make the difference between success and failure in a homebased business. Kim offers one-on-one coaching by telephone to motivated individuals, providing practical marketing advice and budget-conscious strategies unique to your business. To receive free how-to articles and advice, get information on coaching and appearances, read a book excerpt, or contact Kim, visit http://www.smallbusinessnow.com/, a huge site devoted exclusively to marketing your small business.