Articles on Child Matters:

Raising Happy Kids

Parents are a major contributor to how children perceive situations and interpret circumstances. Here are some simple cues to raising H-A-P-P-Y Kids.

H - is for helping them experience success
Children develop self-esteem and optimism by experiencing success. So help make mini successes in little things that they do. Let your child take the lead to do things for himself while you take on a supporting role. Even if it might mean more work on your part, let your child take on certain responsibilities like taking the plate to the sink, making his bed, etc. When he does a good job, acknowledge it. Praise him and show your delight. This builds his self-esteem and contributes towards his optimism in life.

A - is for appreciating thier uniqueness
Appreciate that each child is unique and different. While it is only human for parents to have expectations of their children, it is better to learn what the children are capable of. If your child is passionate about music or loves sports, support and nurture his interest and provide opportunities for him to excel in this area. His success can greatly contribute to his self-esteem.

P - is for problem-solving
A child who is taught to look at problems and seek solutions will be able to do so in a positive and informed way. Coach him to look for alternative approaches. If it is an argument between two children, ask them to stop arguing and listen to each other's point of view. Ask them to suggest a solution that everyone can be happy with. Carry out the plan and show them how well it has worked.

You can use the same technique if it is a decision that you want to teach your child to make. Together with him, name the problem, think of a few solutions, and work out the pros and cons of the solutions. Choose the most fitting one, with an awareness of what could go wrong. Go with the solution and evaluate what lessons could be learnt from it for the future.

P - is for positive talk
Do you think your child views himself and responds to his own failures negatively? Pump some positive energy into him by sitting him down for a talk. Ask him if there is any area of his life that he would like to feel better about. Have him explain to you a specific goal that he wants to achieve such as being able to draw a plane. Understand the feelings that he has associated with this goal. Is he hopeful, anxious? Validate your child's feelings and assure him that he has been heard. Ask him to make a positive statement about the goal he is trying to achieve.

If he has difficulty believing that statement which he has made, you can reassure him again by saying, "You may not think that you can do it - but I believe that you can."

Y - is for You - Your child's role model
Set a good example by maintaining a happy outlook in life. Be encouraging, especially when things go wrong. How you view a situation gives them cues, and influences how they perceive things around them too.

Elaine Yeoh
Young Families
Singapore
06 Jan 2007

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Live To Learn

Children are born with a natural curiosity to discover the world around them, to create and to imagine. Observing a snail on its slippery trail, doodling on the chalkboard, listening to grandpa's war stories - all these amount to learning. It is happening every day, and is not just confined to the classroom.

As parents, you need to step back sometimes and broaden your focus from what is happening in your children's classrooms to helping them discover the world beyond. It is not only a pleasure, it also goes a long way in nurturing a love for learning in general. Children who are exposed to - and have an understanding of - a broad variety of subjects will find school and learning easier and more interesting than those who are not. And we are not talking about enrichment classes either.

It's the little things that you can do to share the world with your children. Little things add to a lot, and for small people, it's the little things they experience with mum and dad that often have the greatest and most longlasting impact.

Get a conversation going
Talking with your child about everyday experiences will help each of you to understand the other's viewpoints, values, dreams, and interests. Besides talking, parents also need to listen. Answering their questions, or helping them find answers, will develop their enquiring minds.

Have fun in daily routines
There can be just as much educational value in everyday activities, like going to the bank or supermarket. Ask your child to drop a cheque in the deposit box, show him/her how to select "good apples", help him/her to the wet market to see how people bargain.

Watch documentaries
Switch from watching cartoons to watching travel shows and documentaries to let your child see what other cities look like, how animals live in the African savannah, or what a hurricane can do. It widens him/her awareness of the world.

Read newspapers and magazines together
It helps your child realise that different things happen each day around the world, and opens upmore opportunities for discussions.

Go on excursions
Take your child to the gradens, to Chinatown or Little India, or historical places like Fort Canning to broaden their view of their environment and society.

Alternatively head to the art museum and galleries, look at paintings, or collect art postcards and talk about them for an "art appreciation" session.

Go to the theatre
Don't just limit your child to children's performances. Where possible, take him/her to anything you fancy - the ballet, a musical, a play. She may discover art forms she enjoys.

Talking with your child before, during and after any activity enriches the experiences, and make it that much fun because it is interactive and involving.

Sim Ee Waun
Singapore
Young Families Magazine
13 Jan 2007

Tantrum Triggers

Tantrums are about kids trying to express themselves and not being understood or dismissed. Some common triggers are tiredness, boredom, hunger, anger, frustration, need for attention or just hearing "no" too many times. These are all understandable and how you deal with them may be dependent on the cause.

Don't spring on unwelcome surprises
Tell your child what to expect if an unfamiliar or unpleasant event is coming up. If you find that certain situations tend to result in tantrums, tell your child what is going to happen.

For example, if it is about time to leave the playground to go home,give him advance notice so he is not plucked away from his fun without warning.

Give labels to feelings
Preschoolers may be able to say simple sentences, but they may not have a large emtional vocabulary.Giving a label to the emotion lets the child know that you understand him.

For example, at the supermarket, he may ask for a sweet since he had one the last time. When you say "no", he throws his tanturm because he is confused. Tell him that he is confused because the last time he had some and this time round he is going hme straight to have dinner in a short while.

Set rules and reasonable limits on behaviour
If you are going out to dinner, tell the child your expectations for behaviour and what is not allowed, like shouting or running around. However don't expect him to sit still for 2 hours while you and your friends chat. Help him handle the situation too, by having his colouring books and crayons at hand to keep him occupied.

Keep to a routine
Make sure that he is fed and well-rested before embarking on an activity, especially if it is a busy day. For example, put off a supermarket trip if it is his naptime. Don't expect a tired and hungry child to be saint all day.

Take long healthy snacks
These are useful for hunger tantrums. But avoid sweet snacks, which may lead to more trouble later, or make sure that he has his meals ontime.

Learn when to offer options
For example, don't ask if he would like to have a nap, unless you are willing to forgo it. Instead, just state that it is naptime.

However if he is eating his vegetables, ask if he would like more carrots or corn, rather than just telling him to eat his corn.

Vary activities
Some parents make the mistake of making kids perform the same task till they have mastered it, but they only get bored and frustrated. So  it is important that they have a variety of different activities so that they don't get bored doing the same thing repeatedly.

Similarly if it is too difficult, he will quickly become frustrated and may feel like a failure.

Young Families
Singapore
17 Jan 2007